Book Review: "The Courage to Raise Good Men" by Olga Silverstein

The Courage to Raise Good Men by Olga Silverstein is rather lofty and intellectual, and it takes a bit of work to get through it. Despite this, it is worth reading, and I enjoyed the many literary and historical references. Silverstein goes into depth about how cultural expectations affect how we treat boys at each stage of life, including the men they turn into and what wives often end up dealing with. She said that we expect boys to leave home at precisely the age of 18, whether they are ready or not, and mothers withdraw from them much earlier emotionally to “toughen them up” for the time they are going to be kicked out of the nest. This creates a lot of problems that they and the people they end up in relationships with pay for later on. The same standards are not in place for girls, and support for them is generally stable throughout their lives.

Based on the book, I am changing my attitudes and behavior towards my 14-year-old son. What a gift to have this knowledge and new perspective while there is still time to use it! Instead of pressuring him to leave the house at 18 and attend college far away, I will try to keep several options open. Perhaps staying at home for a while and helping with cooking and cleaning will be what he wants to do for a while after graduating from high school. Or maybe he will want to try living on his own, only to discover that it was not all it was cracked up to be and wants to come back home and regroup. Maybe he will want to live in his own apartment, but would like to call me on the phone for advice or practical tips. This won't be about letting him "freeload" -- we will make sure that we as a family find a solution agreeable to all members, and make sure he contributes his fair share towards his upkeep. My goals is to being present for him and to listen (and hear!), instead of superimposing my own hopes and dreams on him.

If anyone else has read this book, I'd love to hear your opinion!